I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
try to milk me bitch
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