no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
