how can u be prego again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
