I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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