"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
