What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
