Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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