my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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