you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
