I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
