just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
