a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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