my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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