I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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