Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
