hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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