Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
