So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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