I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
