Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
