Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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