I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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