And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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