so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
