I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
