I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
