The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
