The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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