My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
