So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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