we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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