New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
