apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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