i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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