I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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