Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
