We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
