He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The ass gains better be worth it
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