My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the condom got lost in my hair
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
