I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
