Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
