Please, let me fuck your mom
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize