I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
