We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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