SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
