We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
