we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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