Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
