your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize