i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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