you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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