life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
