Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
