is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize