ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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