I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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