So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
