Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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