I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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