Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
