I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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