You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize