dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
