Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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