Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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