I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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