i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
