I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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