I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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