Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
